Learning the Hard Way

As a kid, I spent countless days in the round pen with my dad and young horses. We “made” all of our own horses, start to finish – from halter breaking to ground work to the first ride to a finished, dependable ranch horse. At the time, I just knew I loved learning the psychology of a horse. I loved to build those connections and to immerse myself in the stockmanship. But more than anything, I loved spending that time with my dad. In retrospect, I learned so much more than just how to start a colt. 

One of the first colts I started turned out to be a worthy opponent for a stubborn 12 year old girl. I would end most rides frustrated to no end and pretty put out with the experience in general. I clearly remember a fit of near-rage at watching the other horses progress much faster, and telling my dad that I’d clearly ended up with a lemon. Just as clearly, I remember his words of assurance, and of wisdom. 

He told me that horses were like people and that some of them picked up on things easily, and others had to learn things the hard way. It wasn’t a sign of intelligence, just a different thought process. The colt he was riding, when presented with something new, seemed to find the right answer almost by chance; seemingly, nothing ever went wrong. He agreeably performed and hardly balked at anything new. The colt I started, however, was trying almost every conceivable wrong way before he found the right one – he was trying, no doubt, but it seemed to take ages for him to understand something new. My dad explained that though it was clearly trying my patience, it was also forging certitude. He said that sometimes the horses that were “easy” would eventually get into a bind and halfway lose their minds because they didn’t know WHY the right answer was right – they’d almost stumbled on it by accident. They didn’t know how to work their way out of a tough spot, because they’d never had to think that way before. The difficult ones, the horses that seemed to be problem children, because it took them time to figure something out, they would know it with absolute certainty and would be the most reliable when put into tough situations. He said sometimes the hard ones to start were the best ones down the road. 

At the time, I thought he was just trying to make me feel better. As an adult, it makes more sense than he maybe ever intended for it to. 

Have you ever felt that way in life, or in business? Do you see some people around you and feel like they just hit all the right strides and nary a challenge comes their way? It’s like they strike gold time and time again, where you may have had to really fight to accomplish the same things. On one hand we applaud their success, but on the other, and maybe more secretly, we feel like we had a way more difficult time getting to where they’re at, and it took us a lot longer, too. I will confess to having these petty thoughts at certain times in my life. But I think that life in general truly is the “School of Hard Knocks” – adversity refines us, difficulties polish us, and missteps propel us towards greater success. The people that have to scratch their way to the top, usually stay there. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

The people in life I admire, respect, and turn to the most – my most trusted mentors – are a direct result of trying lots of wrong ways before they found the “right” one. They had to figure things out in less-than-ideal ways, and their belief systems were forged from the mistakes they made and the consequences they suffered as a result. 

Similarly, the people I know who have had the hardest falls, experienced very little adversity getting to the top – and once they did, they had to learn hard lessons when too much was already at stake. 

I think this is one of the greatest benefits of community. Unlike horses, we can retrospectively learn from each other, and we can share experiences so that we don’t make the same mistakes as our peers or mentors. We have recently launched a new website and a new online platform for our RFP Alumni to network and learn from each other. Our hope is that these resources help you to find your way through difficulties, together, and share experiences so that we can learn from each other, too.

And if you were one of those “hard starters”, look on the bright side, you’ll probably be one of the “good ones” down the road. Hopefully you surround yourself with the kind of people who make your start a little less difficult and allow you to learn from their own difficulties. We hope that we can help create an environment and community just like that for you, and I look forward to seeing you around our RFP Network.